Eyes.

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Not meant to be

Picture : Pinterest

I put my hand on the couch between us, waiting for you to sluggishly brush your hand against mine, for me to turn beetroot by the intentions of your lazy contagious smile. I look over to you, too engrossed in the story on screen than in our own colorless ballad, that I could feel you slipping away form our delightful ditty and that I have ceased to be your only felicity. 

And it was a sore awakening that our hearts no longer skip beats together and that time has had its way even in our ‘come what may’. 

People give up when the lullaby ends. And so many unfulfilled dreams frizzle out. When the sparks die out, stories break off, feelings ebb away and the memories made often remain off the beaten path. And its tragic how so many ‘happily ever after’s come down to this. 

School chale hum

Photo credit goes to the very talented Jennifer Mazumder (ig : the_lost_star_ )


Far from the world, this place is serene. Its air is tranquil yet not free from the hard knocks of life. 

I look around and find them by my side. Aspiring and hard headed, looking way ahead in the future, wanting to leave thier marks in the world. They walk by me as we take on life, picking up the bricks to build our castles, taking little steps, breaking stereotypes one at a timein this little village that has forever been our home. 

And a day will come, when minds will change even in the tiniest of places as we’ll become the queen of our fate. And no one will doubt our capabilities or mistake us for frail, ever again.

Threads of love – Part 3

​And that moment I really didn’t want to leave. Something just felt so wrong.

 

“Will you please move your flat ass to the plane now? Otherwise if you miss your flight I’m gonna have to tolerate you for another five hours. Oh Goodness!”, she said as she placed her hands on her ears, in a failed attempt to play the scene from some B-Grade Hindi movie.

 

I rolled my eyes and walked away.

 

“Bye”, she shouted and I just knew that she was smiling.

 

I waved without even turning back.

 

“Serena?? Hello?? You there?? ‘S’? Can you hear me? For God’s sake, say something? I’m worried sick here.”

Pragyan’s voice brought me back to reality.

 

“Y..y..yes”, I said when I managed to find my voice.

 

“Serena?? Listen to me. Now’s not the time to break down. Come here as soon as possible. Annie needs you”

 

“I’m coming.”

I don’t even know who said this, for I was too blank to say anything.

 

“Be positive, Serena. Our Annie’s the strongest. Right?” he said. But something told me he didn’t believe in his own words.

 

“Yeah”, I managed to say before my voice cracked.

 

I put the receiver down and sat on the cold hard floor. I felt the pain I had felt hours ago when I saw her almost getting murdered. It was the same kind of pain, just ten times more painful and hundred times more real.

* How do I get up from a nightmare when I am not even asleep? *

Unwelcomed thoughts flooded my mind and with them came unwelcomed tears. And just as I was surrendering myself to the weak, ugly side of me, Annie’s words crossed my mind.

“You’re SERENA !! You’re supposed to be strong. Never forget that.”

“I won’t”, I said as I wiped my tears and pulled myself together. “I’m strong. I know I’m strong. She believes I’m strong.” I talked to myself while I got up.

 

*All I have to do is go there and give her the strength to fight*

 

So, I collected my essentials and rushed out of the door and got into a cab. As I got in, I turned my phone on. There was a message from Pragyan with my flight details. I opened the message but instead of the text something else got hold of my attention. It was the photograph which was set as the wallpaper.

It was a photograph of me and Annie, taken a few years back, during our college days. It was a beautiful picture of us, in black and white, both laughing our hearts out while looking at each other, without any care for the world. It was one of our favourite.

I remember how she tried to get one such picture of us, back when “candid” was the trend. She would make someone take our photographs while she and I, both fake – laughed for hours. I remember how bad those photographs came out and how upset she got over them. She never tried to pull that stunt again.

 

It was me, who, later had to flirt with a senior (who also happened to be a photographer) to make him take our pictures, without us noticing. And then bam!! Three days later I had that photograph in my hand, which I gave her as a present on Friendship Day. I still remember how her face lit up when she saw that picture for the first time.

 

It was chilling in here. I didn’t even realise that it had started to rain.

“Can you please turn the AC off?” I asked the driver.

“Sure, Ma’am”

I was still freezing. Maybe I wasn’t cold on the outside.

I gazed towards the window. I saw the tiny water droplets kissing the glass. I pulled the glass down a little and let the chilling mixture of rain and breeze get in They stroke my cheeks gently while I closed my eyes.

 

“You’ll catch cold”, Annie used to shout every time I did something like this.

I have always been a firm believer that rain brings happiness and life while Annie’s belief replaces the ‘happiness and life’ with ‘cold and fever’.

Pragyan always teased her saying that she’d faint in an overcrowded room due to lack of oxygen.

*My fragile, little, disease prone girl*

I smiled while a tear drop made its way to my chin.

*God can’t be that unfair, can he?* I shooed the thought away.

“Nothing’s gonna happen to her. She’ll be fine. Everything will be alright” I kept mumbling this like a mantra as I softly surrendered myself to tears.

 

I cried all my way to the airport and after reaching, I realised I was late. I hurriedly got on the plane and made myself comfortable in my seat. Without finding the glam magazines of any interest, I went back to starring at the window.

 

The sky was still dark. There weren’t many stars in the sky for it was all cloudy. However, there was this one star, glowing all alone in pitch darkness.

 

That was how we were in school, where we met. We were so different from the rest of the friendships. We stood out.

And even though we were just a couple of kids, we knew this friendship was forever. And anybody, (just about anybody) who saw us, wouldn’t disagree with that.

 

There was this one time when a major earthquake hit us and when I went to school the next morning, she shouted “Serena!! I thought I’d never get to see you again”, and hugged me tight.

While everyone in the class was like “Aww, you both”, I pulled back from her and said, “not that I’m taking it personally, but FYI, my house is a lot stronger than most of their friendships” I pointed towards the other girls.

“Such a bitch” she smiled.

 

“Tissue?” I heard a deep voice, from the seat next to mine. I turned away from the window and saw a hand holding out a tissue. As I followed the hand on its way up to see the face of the person it belonged to… I was speechless. He was so smoking hot with his long fair face, grey eyes and slightly brownish short messy hair.

I seemed to have lost control over my emotions for my cheeks were all wet with tears.

And for the first time since I’ve woken up, I was worried about how I looked.
“Thanks”, I said as I took the tissue from him. I wiped my tears and tried to do my hair. But I knew it won’t be of any use. I was looking hideous. I didn’t even bother to change.

“Bad break up?” he asked.

“No”, I said, as I turned my face towards him again. “Why would you guess that?”

 

“Well, you look pretty messed up. You’ve got no luggage, you’re wearing your PJs and you’ve been crying for as long as I can remember. If not breakup, what is it then? “, his eyes were so intimidating.

“It’s my best friend. She’s in the hospital. They say, it doesn’t look good”, I said as my voice cracked by the end of the sentence.

“Oh! That’s even worse. I’m so sorry. ”

I gave him half a smile, not wanting to talk anymore.

“Can I see her?” he asked, some moments later.

I looked at him, surprised by his efforts to take some stranger out of her misery even if it was just for some moments.

He caught me but took it the wrong way.

“It’s okay, if you don’t want to” he said

I cut him, “No, it’s totally fine. Here”

I took my phone out, switched it on and gave it to him. He started swiping from one picture to another while I tried to count the colour in his eyes.

“Wow! You both go way back. You look like twins. ”

I smiled, “I know”

That’s what everyone says. It was our favourite compliment of all.

“I must say, I’m so jealous of you both” he said handing me the phone back.

“Everybody is”, I smiled a little more.

 

But then, my face fell.

“Maybe I was too proud to have her” I mumbled.

He heard it. He put his hand on mine. It took me by surprise. I looked him in the eye as a tear rolled down my face. He wiped it away.

“Everything will be alright. After all how can something so unfair happen to a girl so beautiful?”

And even though I found most of the flirtations cheesy, something made me blush this time.

I turned my face away to face the window.

* Annie does have some weird ways of setting me up with hot guys *

I smiled at the thought.

P. S- the climax will be out next week. Stay tuned. 

The Pursuit of Happiness 

Image source : tumblr 


I’ve never been very contended of my appearance. I don’t really have any physical feature to be particularly proud of. I eat a lot and my body never ceases to hide that and always leaves it to me to remove the evidence. I’ve never been skinny and there are days when my body buldges out in places it shouldn’t. My body’s really good at storing fats in all the unwanted places and lacking in all the wanted ones. I have more bad hair days than i should and i’ve failed to recollect any memories of untangled hair. I don’t know, I might have as well forgotten the process of combing. And i’ve got height that makes me realize what a failure i was at acquiring genes. Also, i have a singing voice, only suitable for the background noise of a horror movie and probably would be scarier than the ghost. And to add the cherry on the cake, i have crooked teeth but never bothered with the braces. But nevertheless, i dress up as if ready for the kill. I laugh even at the badly worded sentences. I post pictures like i had mastered the right half of the Mona Lisa’s inimitable smile. 


And you know what the truth is? All my insecurities and precariousness vanishes in seconds because it never really mattered in the first place. I own my imperfections and wear them as badges. I use them as flashlights to look for my lost confidence in the dark. And i think that’s the way things should be.


Confidence should be built not from compliments but only from the happiness you feel from within.
P. S. – i still don’t sing, (of course) for the greater good. (being the nice person i am, you see)

Moments. 

​We are all constellations of the moments we’ve been in. Moments, that have been lived, revisited and cherished. Moments that amass to be the stories of our lives. 
We live in pieces, in search of good times, looking for words to fill up the folios of our book. 
So, when these moments really come to us, don’t think it through. When you have a feeling that it’s gonna be great, you don’t have to take a while, you don’t have to hesitate, just defy your instincts and forget about the aftermath. Don’t wreck your brain out thinking about it.
Really.

Image source : Pinterest 
Just go with it. Take it all in. Take everything…every freaking feeling those moments give. Let them get under your skin and chill you to your bones. Let them savour your heart and your soul. Let them get the best of you. 
For, those are the moments that are truly yours. Those are the moments that you’re gonna wanna relive when you’re 90. And when you’ll be finally closing your eyes, those moments will come to you like the unfolding stories of the Universe, fliping in, one at a time, in black and white,  like the slides of a 90s movie. And in that moment you’ll realise how you did life right. 
P. S – Breaking my ‘only weekend’ strategy, only for this once.  (Lucky you :P) 

Lots of love. Subhalakshmi AKA Barbie. 

Star catchers and moonless dreamers.

Even though I wasn’t chewing anything, I swallowed hard as I took my nervous little steps towards the center of the stage. As i made my way, I had to put extra caution to my walk and I regretted not paying attention to my mom everytime she asked me to walk like a lady. Nevertheless, I made it to the center stage without much embarrassment. I sat on the chair in front of the mic and looked up. With the spotlight on me and pitch blackness of the crowd and their silence, the view high strung me. The silence flustered me. I couldn’t think straight.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and listened to my thumping heart.
” This is it, Bhargavi. Show them who you are. ” it whispered to me.
And that was it. One voice was all i needed to retrieve my lost aplomb, my heart’s.
I heard the soft music the guitar strings made. A welcome noise in the otherwise dead air.

image

I picked up the beat and did what I came for. Did what I’ve been doing all my life and would keep doing for the rest of it. I sang. I sang with all my heart, all my passion, with all that I had within.
Once done, the music stopped and with that my world. The lights were turned on, spotlight gone, I could see an endless ocean of crowd standing and applauding. All for me, for my voice, for my talent. That moment of self satisfaction, that moment of my dreams coming true, that moment of enagmatic delight, was all that counted. That moment was all that mattered. That moment was what I lived for.

I looked to my left and saw my parents. A total misfit with the crew backstage. So being their Indian self, striking with bliss. I’ve never seen my parents more proud of me, not even when I agreed to be a doctor. I’ve never seen them cry for me, not even when I broke their hearts.

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