Journal

Until what point is it okay to say that i miss him? Two months? Six months? A year? 

Well, it’s been two. And i still couldn’t figure out a way to miss him any lesser.

Days have blended into weeks and week into months and i kept watching his life in photographs, all his beautifully captured moments give me a sense of senerity that he is happy and somehow that’s enough for me to get going for days.

How long has it been since i last saw him? When was it? Last november,  i suppose? when he passed by my place for no reason i could think of. Our eyes met while he was passing by me in a slow senere motion. And in that one moment, i think i saw a hint of smile on his face, and for that one moment, i forgot it all, all the blaming and cursing and the hating. For just that one moment took me back to our old days when he’d get my heart race in the olympics. And i was surprised at him, still being able to make me weak in the knees. That was how i felt, like old times. I knew what i felt but i didn’t know how i should have felt and for no reason i could recollect, i looked away and let him pass. Him and the moment.

Yes, it does feel good to talk to guys and enjoy all the attention that they give but no, they’re together not enough to fill his void.

I haven’t seen him in a while. And in all these years,  i haven’t gone so long without seeing him or talking to him. And as the days between us keep widening, i’m scared that i might never get to see him again.

August 1, 2016 23:29 sat

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