It’s been a really long time since i’ve written about you. Perhaps because you’re thoughts are a tangled mess and i cannot just pull one string out without getting myself into a pool of tears.
But time teaches us, right? And it did teach me how to ignore your thoughts, how to keep them aside, saving myself from unwrapping them bit by bit and losing the will to live as every string untangled. It did teach me how to keep myself from bringing your name up in every conversation, how to react like i couldn’t care less, everytime somebody mentioned your name when all i wanted to do was sit near them and hear all they knew.
“i’m not talking to you” i said, like it was possible and slid away from where i sat putting my bag in my former place.
He took my bag, kept it to his other side and slid my way, “accha?” he said, in a play ful tone.
“just one photograph?” i said, pleading him with my eyes.
“ugghhh, okay” he shrugged.
“Tanvir, please click a picture of us?” i asked my brother, handing him my phone.
The camera was on, this hand was holding mine, the other was on my shoulder, smiles were glued on our faces.
” tanvir, look, there goes your buddy, rex” shouted his friend from the other end of the park.
And before tanvir’s finger could press the ‘capture’ button, his eyes fell on the four leged beauty that walked by. My brother’s love for dogs was certainly more prior to he clicking his love struck sister’s picture with her boyfriend, so that picture never happened.
Yet another chapter of us, left incomplete.
He was never “lets capture this moment” kind of guy but now everytime, when i see the cute poses he takes photos in with her, something within me dies.
And yes, that was the closest i’ve ever been and i’ll ever be of having a picture of us together.
And yet, here i am, sitting alone at midnight, years later, wishing to go back in time.
Scrolling through the news feeds, learning how much you mean to people , who barely know you, people, so new to you. And yet, there they were proufoundly displaying a captured moment with you, claiming your friendship and love.
Keeping aside the ugliness and bitterness of how things ended, here i am, wishing you a very beautiful life ahead.
Happy Birthday, love.